The post-Halloween Sunday Scaries might be spookier than ever, so why not settle down with our latest Quotes of the Week?
In the column below — which rounds up the best sound bites of the past seven days — you’ll find nearly a dozen shows represented, including double doses of “Only Murders in the Building,” “NCIS: Origins” and “Georgie & Mandy’s First Marriage.”
Also featured in this week’s roundup: Seth Meyers takes a shot at the New York Jets, “Shifting Gears” drops two Easter eggs and “The Morning Show” reflects on the downfalls of success. Plus, we’ve got quotable moments from “Selling Sunset,” “Boston Blue” and “Dancing With the Stars.”
Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves! (With contributions from Nick Caruso, Dave Nemetz, Kimberly Roots and Ryan Schwartz)
NCIS: ORIGINS
“You sent our witness home before we could talk to him?”
“I wrote it all down.”
“We need to do our own interview. This is our crime scene!”
“Ma’am, I’m telling you right now I’m averse to people yelling in my face,”
“Well, I’m averse to idiots. How about that?”
Lala (Mariel Molino) has no patience for bad cops
NCIS: ORIGINS (Bonus Quote!)
“Mimi wasn’t naming her killer, she was writing down her password.”
“Password for what?”
“The limp disk.”
Gibbs (Austin Stowell) is unfamiliar with the term “floppy disk”
THE MORNING SHOW
“You do realize it took me two decades and a predator to get half of what you just got?”
“Yeah. And I got it on the back of my stillborn baby.”
Alex (Jennifer Aniston) and Chris (Nicole Beharie) reflect on the price of success in the world of TV news
SHIFTING GEARS
“What’s with the Woody costume? Come on, kid! You gotta go as a space ranger!”
Buzz Lightyear’s (Tim Allen) got jokes!
SHIFTING GEARS (Bonus Quote!)
“Is Stitch chatting up twins? Or are these drinks hitting just right?”
Riley (Kat Dennings) spots two broke girls across the bar
LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS
“It’s so weird to make a hat for a thing that can’t happen. Wearing a Trump 2028 hat is like wearing a hat that says, ‘Super Bowl Champion New York Jets.'”
ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING
“Why didn’t he just text us the killer’s name?”
“Because then there’d be no season.”
No one has ever accused “Only Murders” of not being meta
ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING (Bonus Quote!)
“This is garbage, right?”
“I’ll have you know that that play made history… as the only show to ever receive a formal complaint from the state of New Jersey.”
Oliver (Martin Short) has never let failure stand in the way of his pride
SELLING SUNSET
“She’s like an actual… like if cancer was a human being. Is that too harsh?”
Chrishell doesn’t have the kindest words to say about co-worker Nicole
GEORGIE & MANDY’S FIRST MARRIAGE
“So what, you’re just gonna grow old and die alone?”
“I’m sure California will send Sheldon back at some point.”
Little does Mary (Zoe Perry) know in 1995 that Sheldon will put down roots in Pasadena
GEORGIE & MANDY’S FIRST MARRIAGE (Bonus Quote!)
“All we need’s a manger, huh?”
Mary’s date Joseph (Jeremy Brandt) breaks the ice by acknowledging their names are straight out of the Bible
DANCING WITH THE STARS
“I know you really want water, but we’re gonna give you a sash and a crown instead.”
Julianne Hough, always great at vamping, greets Whitney Levitt and Mark Ballas after they win the “Dance Monster-thon”
GHOSTS
“I’m sorry, you smoked a toad?”
“Yeah! But if I didn’t, he was gonna smoke me. At least that’s what he told me after I smoked him.”
Is anyone out there surprised that Flower (Sheila Carrasco) has smoked an actual frog? No? Didn’t think so
GHOSTS (Bonus Quote!)
“Amenhotep! More like, imma tap that!”
Nancy (Betsy Sodaro) considers making the moves on the mansion’s new mummy ghost
BOSTON BLUE
“Boston PD, hands up! You too, John Oliver!”
Apparently Sarah (Maggie Lawson) is the funny one in the Silver family
SURVIVOR
“I’m gonna give you a handshake, because I want the hug to be genuine and I don’t think I can give that to you right now. But I look forward to hugging you in the future, OK?”
Sage Ahrens-Nichols keeps it 100 as she says goodbye to a blindsided Shannon Fairweather
SURVIVOR (Bonus Quote!)
“Jeff, you out of breath too?”
“It’s no joke, man.”
“Welcome to ‘Survivor’!”
The R-I-Z-G-O-D RizGod Baby checks in on Jeff Probst, after the host gets winded in the hot Fijian sun