Victor always makes fun of me because I’ve never been asked to do jury duty and I must be on a list of people to avoid but last month I finally got a card telling me to show up. I filled out the questionnaire and thought I’d be disqualified when because I said “no” to the part where it asks if you are of sound mind and good moral character, but apparently that doesn’t matter because they still said I had to come in. (And honestly I love watching court tv so I wasn’t against being chosen, but I also know that my depression and anxiety can be disabling at times so I wasn’t sure if I’d able to do a long trial.)
Nonetheless, I made my way downtown and my map made me walk out to a plank in the middle of the river and then I was swarmed by so many screeching grackles my ears hurt. Other cities get fall colors. San Antonio gets this:
Nonetheless, I was sworn in and picked for the first panel for a criminal court and a lady had us all line up in order but the girl in front of me wasn’t on the list so the bailiff asked “What’s your street name?” and she was like, “My what now?” and he said, “Your street name” and she looked at me and I shrugged and whispered, “What they call you on the street, I guess?” and she said, “Like my gang name?” and the man behind us was like, “He wants your address” and then we both were like, “Ooooooh” and I suspect we both got red marks by our names.
Then we hiked up five floors of stairs and stood in the hall in a long line outside of the courtroom. Apparently this is intentional because when people see a hundred jurors standing outside waiting to be selected they’re more likely to take a plea and so everyone just stands outside as long as it takes for lawyers to decide whether to move forward. I brought a book so I was fine with waiting but after 45 minutes my feet were killing me so I sat on the ground and then the bailiff came out to tell us we were about to go in so I stood back up and then 30 minutes passed and I sat back down on the floor and then a lawyer came out and said they were almost ready and so I stood back up and then another 30 minutes passed and I was like, “Watch, I’m going to do a magic trick” and sat down and immediately the bailiff came out and was like, “Okay, everyone get in line” and I said, “TA-DA!” and the bailiff probably gave me another red mark. Then another 20 minutes passed and a woman walked in in her pajamas and yelled “WHERE THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO BE? WHY IS THIS SO FUCKING COMPLICATED?” until a lawyer came out to get her and I crossed my fingers that I’d be on her trial because I kind of loved her. And then, after so many hours, the judge came out and told us that with our help, all of the trials on the docket had been settled and that we could go home. Which was both a little disappointing and also a relief.