Deadheads – Penny Arcade

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It goes without saying that the Deadzone is dangerous. It’s not a preferred zone. If it had any other redeeming characteristics, we would be calling it something else. Still, when you shoot an enemy’s weakpoint, the game makes a sound like a river of coins flowing from a garish slot machine. Whoever made it sound this way should receive the bulk of the proceeds for this game.

I want the sound to happen again and again, so I’m in there gettin’ after these roboids and cyberians non-stop. They’re jerk-ass jerks. I’m happy to crack open their tungstite carapace and scoop out the goodies inside, like a gourd. These goodies incrementally effect everything I can do in the game, up to and including what items I might get randomly rolled and the potency of said items; even if I get waxed at level 18 out of 20 I still come home with a consolation prize that lets me make line become vertical and so, so rigid.

Now I’m taking missions that add completely new weapons, which I already woulda been happy with, but they have this “exotic” keyword and weird-ass mechanics that aren’t just the normal tradeoffs. This new one I’m trying to earn and failing to do so has a downside but I can’t put it down. It’s essentially a laser chaingun, a voltaic firehose, but every time it misses a shot the rate of fire goes down. The gun is essentially a meme, taken mechanical form. I would already have it if I could just get myself to use another weapon, eventually this scenario gets so tough you’re essentially using it as a melee weapon so its efficacy doesn’t go subterranean. I want to earn it the right way, with itself. I need its respect! That is probably dumb.

Our Merchandise Manager Lidija, Matriarch of the Warehouse, has decreed that the PAX Store – and thus, the shop exclusive Metro Jacket – shall be available until November, in a rare twist. Behold – a reprieve! Let us know what you think of the line:

(CW)TB out.

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